Why ACT? And Why I Love it!
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT for short, is a theoretical framework from which I approach my work with clients. It is considered a “third wave” Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and focuses on building psychological flexibility. One of the main premises of ACT is that as humans, we have evolved to avoid things that are uncomfortable or painful. This has been incredibly helpful over time when identifying dangerous situations like avoiding a flame so we don’t get burned, but in the modern era that we’re living in, it often inadvertently leads us away from the lives we are trying to lead.
When I first started learning about ACT and implementing its principles into my own life, I felt a bit disoriented, but in a good way. Ideas that I thought were the capital “T”ruth about the human experience of emotions and thoughts were being seen in a different lens. Wait, we can’t control our thoughts and feelings? The way out is in? Trying to “achieve” happiness just keeps us feeling stuck? Values shift and change over time and can be different than my family’s? My mind was blown.
Therapy with an ACT-based therapist is experiential, meaning there’s a lot of “doing” in session rather than just talking about it. One of my favorite things to do with clients is co-create metaphors to help me understand their experience and to help relate to their experience a bit differently. Since we use A LOT of metaphors in ACT, here are some that might help give you a better idea of the processes that we target in our work together.
ACT is experienetial, meaning there’s a lot of “doing” not just talking about doing it.
What’s the role of the therapist?
Imagine that you are climbing a mountain. This mountain has both beautiful vantage points as well as dangerous or tricky obstacles that you might not be able to see up ahead. I’m next door climbing my own mountain and have a different perspective of your path. I can see the slipper rocks up ahead or the beautiful sunrise about to peek over the next mountain. It’s my job to point out where these slippery rocks, or sunrise might be, but I can’t do that by standing at the top of your mountain looking down at you as you climb. If I did, I’d likely have a difficult time appreciating the height of the mountain and the challenges you’re facing. While I might shout out various obstacles I can see up ahead, at the end of the day, YOU are the one climbing the mountain. You are the only one who knows what it feels like to grip onto the rock or whether or not you need to pause to get some water. I will never tell you what to do, how you use the guidance and information from my vantage point is your choice!
We can treat our thoughts like email subject lines.
When you check your personal or work email each day, you might notice TONS of emails to sift through. If you’re like me, you wait for the coffee to kick in and then sit down to prioritize what’s important to read and what’s junk mail or a scam. You might tag emails to read later or automatically delete emails that are clearly a scam. You may find yourself continuing to put off responding to an email that feels uncomfortable. “I’ll just respond tomorrow” you might say to yourself.
Some mornings you might see a nice email from a friend or a kudos from your boss. Other mornings your inbox might be overflowing with spam messages or volunteer requests. In session, I will help you learn how to sort through your internal inbox (a.k.a your mind) so that you can focus on and prioritize what actually matters most (not what your mind is telling you that matters)!
You are NOT your thoughts
and not all thoughts are important to attend to.
Holding in emotions is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater!
From an early age, we’re often taught that feelings are “good” or “bad” and that it’s more acceptable to feel certain feelings over others (enter in jealousy, anger, sadness). When we try to suppress uncomfortable feelings, they start to take over. For instance, imagine you’re at the pool on a sunny day. You have a beach ball that you’re trying to keep under the water because the pool doesn’t allow beach balls. So you keep pushing the ball down, not wanting anyone to see it for fear you’ll get called out by the lifeguard or get kicked out of the pool.
Sooner or later, you’ll start to get tired - it surprisingly takes a lot of effort over time to keep that thing underwater! Not to mention you’re not be able to participate in other fun activities like the dive competition or Marco Polo because you have to focus on keeping the beach ball under the water. Then, all of a sudden, POP! Out comes the beach ball out of the water when you least expect it! Emotions can be like that too - we work so hard to to push them down, distract ourselves from them, pretend they aren’t there, and yet they come out eventually. In sessions we’ll create a safe space to allow the emotions (or metaphorical beach ball) to come up to the surface and see if they are important to tune in to.
Learn to be the sky - observe without judgement.
This is one of my favorite ACT metaphors and something I have to remind myself of daily as a parent. In sessions we’ll work on connecting to the part of ourselves that some call the “observer self”. The observer self is like the sky, vast and expansive, while our thoughts, feelings, sensations, etc. are like the weather. Some days it’s rainy, other days it’s windy, and every so often we get a thunderstorm, blizzard, or hurricane. No matter how difficult the weather gets, the sky is always there and sooner or later the sun comes out. Not even a Category 5 hurricane or big scary tornado can hurt or harm the sky. And just like there are days where we take the clear skies and sun for granted or can’t see the sky due to clouds, but the sky is there, constant, and unchanging.
Values are like a compass, they give us direction and help us navigate various life experiences.
What are your values and do they actually guide your choices?
When we use our values as a compass for life, it’s like heading north, west, south, or east - you’re never really west, but you can keep moving in that direction. In sessions we take time to actually figure out what your values are - not what others have told you they should be. In my work with clients going through life transitions, whether it’s new parenthood, a new career, or a loss, clarifying values can be so helpful to recalibrate the compass and reorient to what truly matters.
Your mind is like a puppy in a big yard.
Our minds naturally wander and can lead us down some convoluted rabbit holes. If you’ve ever seen a puppy that’s given free rein in a large yard, it will likely act like a wild animal running in circles and sniffing every corner. If you give it enough time though, sooner or later it will start to slow down, find a little patch of grass and lay down. In sessions we will practice mindfulness and the presence and frequency of distracting thoughts can feel a bit frustrating. Over time and with practice, you will start to accept that this is just something your mind does and sooner or later it will settle down.
I could go on and on with different metaphors, but consider this last one from Dr. Russ Harris, a psychologist, ACT therapist, and author of “The Happiness Trap”:
This is the deck of cards that you’ve been dealt. It’s not the hand you wanted, but you can’t change that. These are the cards you’ve got. What’s important from here is, do you play the game to the best of your ability? Or do you give up, and pack it all in? And if you give up, what’s it like to see everyone else playing cards, while you do nothing? Wouldn’t you rather join in the game, and give it your best shot? (If you’re playing the game of life, you’ve already won. If you’re not playing the game of life, you’ve already lost.)
It’s never to late to join in on the game! If you’ve decided that you want in, regardless of the hand you’ve been dealt, schedule a free 15 minute consultation today!
Until Next Time,
Megan
